david Barrett



Knucklehead/Wry Humor

Mom I Love You (but you're fired)

Mom this is so hard to tell you
after all you’ve given to me
years of dedication
why you practically built this company...
but you’ve heard of downsizing
like when you shrunk my shirts
I’ve made a decision
and as much as this hurts

MOM I LOVE YOU BUT YOU’RE FIRED

take a few minutes to collect your things
no no, there’s no need to hurry
Security will lead you out
we changed the locks, don’t worry
It’s a global market
‘n your job’s overseas
it’ll triple our profits
Wall Street is pleased...

MOM I LOVE YOU BUT YOU’RE FIRED

now you’re taking this too personally
can’t we still be friends?
you’ll bounce back, I know you will...
(and did mention?. . you lost your pension)

so grab your coat and hat over there
and be sure to say hi to Dad
here’s a few dollars for a taxi
‘n try not to look so sad
In time you’ll see the wisdom
of these cost cutting moves
some are gonna win
some are gonna lose...

MOM I LOVE YOU
Like my BMW
MOM I LOVE YOU...
BUT YOU’RE FIRED
If I Were You

If I were you
I’d fall in love with me
I’d believe just what i see
Hell I...never curse, never lie
Made my first ten million before I was five...
If I were you...I’d fall in love with me

If we were us
We’d make such a pretty pair
If we were us
Folks would stop and stare
‘N say...”he with her?...she with him?
They look good together, let’s look again...”
If we were us, then us we’d always be

I’ve got time on my hands that I can’t wash off
Sticks to my fingers like barbecue sauce
By that look in your eye, I can see you’re lost/they’re crossed
But here’s what we can do...

If I were you
I’d make that lipstick smear
If I were you
I’d walk those (lips?)right over here
I’m bow legged, your’re knock kneed
That’s a bit of a problem, still I’ll make you see
If I were you, I’d fall in love with me
If I were you, I’d fall in love with me

I'm Already Me (the cloning song)

I'm already me
why clone two or three?
shake up the family tree
I'm already me

Got my own DNA
I aim to keep it that way
I got here first as you can see
I'm already me

when I die I want to leave this world all by myself
give me wings'n I'll fly away
but please with nobody else

Don't want to see me around
in every part of this ol' town
turn the corner and there I'd be
no, I'm already me

[repeat bridge]

call me selfish I don't care
I'll be here, you be there
I wasn't meant to be...we
no I'm already me
tell the scientists to let it be
I'm already me
Apple Pie

you know i still dream about that apple pie
she baked it for me when she thought she would try
to make me her sweetheart, in that month of July
Lord I still can feel the heat...

Well thinkin’ back, it almost hurts
on a love so fine, it was just like dessert
I wore it on my sleeve, and all over my shirt
the memory is still sweet...

[CHORUS]
APPLE PIE, APPLE PIE
EVERY LITTLE THING THAT IT WOULD SIGNIFY
MY OH MY, I’M JUST A SIMPLE GUY
ALL I REALLY WANTED WAS A PIECE OF APPLE PIE...

then she reconsidered, cuz she thought it a crime
it was a symbol of oppression, you remember the times
it perpetuated servitude, and undermined
her new found self esteem..

it really didn’t matter that it tasted good
it was clearly patriarchal, that was understood
I just didn’t “get it”, ‘n I never would
our love was doomed it seemed

[CHORUS]

----
after all of this I was never the same
I wandered the streets just calling her name
I lost thirty pounds while I overcame
this love of apple pie...

[CHORUS]
Let's Talk About Me

Are you finished, with your story, are you through?
We’ve spent way too much time, talking about you...
So let’s switch to a subject that I really love
I know you will too...
So glad we agree...
Let’s talk about me

So be a darling, be a doll, be a dear
And run up to my room, and bring me my mirror
That way when I say something bon vivante
I’ll be the first to hear...
I like what I see...
Let’s talk about me

Let’s talk about moi
It makes my heart do the cha cha cha
Let’s talk about moi
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah

Now where was I? Stop the music, wait there’s more
I’ve got more deep things to say than Zsa Zsa Gabor
It’s all I can do to contain myself
And all I adore...
But enough about me...
Let’s talk about you talking about me
Ultimately...Let’s talk about me

No time to talk with you
No time to walk with you
No time to gawk with you
I’ve gotta work

build a house, never home
in the car, on the phone
Three kids, barely known
I’ve gotta work

WORK ALL DAY, WORK ALL NIGHT
MAKE EVERYTHING WORK OUT RIGHT
APPARENTLY YOU DON’T KNOW
I’M SOOO IMMMPORTAANNT...

(Honey) make love a little faster
a few moves I’ve yet to master
this is a big disaster...
I’ve gotta work

You stop and smell the roses
I’ll stop and change the hoses
The reason I suppose is
I gotta work

WORK ALL DAY, WORK ALL NIGHT
MAKE EVERYTHING WORK OUT RIGHT
APPARENTLY YOU DON’T KNOW
WHO I THINK I AM...

this cat is gettin’ fatter
I’m climbing up the ladder
where it leads doesn’t matter
I gotta work

solo

when I die, I won’t be late
grab my tools, accept my fate
gotta fix that lock on the pearly gate

that’ll take some....work...